this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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