Nicole vs. Life
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
