grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
