I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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