Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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