No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
