I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
