My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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