through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
