whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I have post one night stand depression
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