you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
