Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
