saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
