Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
