smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
