what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
