the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
