last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
