captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
