I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
