does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
