Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
