he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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