So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
