I didn't shave. On purpose
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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