After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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