that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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