just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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