i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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