I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We're too hungover to prance.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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