I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
