Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
