I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
