I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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