Sry I called you an 8
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
