Pappa wants mamma naked
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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