i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
True strength comes from lack of pants
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
