My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
