I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
