I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
