I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
