Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I will be naked everywhere
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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