You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
