I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
