just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
