Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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