I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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