she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
