it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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