I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
