i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I want her autograph on my taint
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
