Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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