respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
