NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
